I want a girlfriend for Christmas. I'm tired of being alone.
Now, I am blessed to have many friends who care a great deal about me. They take my feelings into consideration, and they are kind to me. I even have some special women friends like Erica and Chelsea and Jen who, if truth be told, are all I really need in my life to be blessed and content, and fulfill my need for emotional intimacy. But, I also want to be happy. At the end of the day, I am still lonely.
I want a girlfriend.
I went on a first date recently. She is a girl who is a friend, and yes she is very special. This particular woman may not be anymore interested in being a girlfriend than the others who are friends at varying levels of platonic intimacy. She's wonderful and I'm blessed to have her, but the friendship bases are covered around the horn. I am looking for the woman who can't wait to see me come home. I'm looking for the woman, who, when I'm not there is wondering how I feel, but who, when I am there knows exactly how I feel. It would be great if this woman were to be the one I spent last Sunday evening with. If that's not the case, that's okay, too. But, it needs to be somebody.
I want a girlfriend.
When I meet women to date the good people in my life tell me stuff like "just see how it goes" and "don't get your hopes up"; then, there's that inner voice that says "don't get ahead of yourself". Well, I know how it usually goes and I want something different, if not this particular time, then soon. I am a hopeless romantic; my hopes will always be up. And, at the age of 41, and with a healthy grasp of the person that I am and the love I have to be able to share with another, I don't feel like I'm getting too particularly ahead of myself.
I want a girlfriend.
When my friends say stuff like I just mentioned, it seems to tell me that they feel it necessary to steel me against every girl I meet not being interested, mostly sooner rather than later. They tell me I am wrong to blame myself for not keeping the love of a good woman by saying that I'm too old, too fat, too conservative, too flaky, too sensitive, too detached, too whatever. But then, their sentiments say exactly the same thing - that I probably don't have what it takes to keep a woman's romantic interest. Then, hearing it spelled out in plain truth disturbs them to the point that they say I am wrong for seeing exactly what they seem to be saying.
I want a girlfriend.
I have a friend who recently took his own life. He was lonely. He was a good 15 years older than me. Now, I'm not saying I have any intention of doing myself even the slightest harm. But, I'll bet that if you'd asked him 15 years ago, while he was still lonely but seemingly happier, that he'd never thought he'd want to do himself any harm either. I know his decision was a choice that I can choose to not make. I also am quite familiar with the road that got him to his final, fateful moment.
I want a girlfriend.
So there you have it, Santa! I am blessed! I want you to take care of everyone else before you get around to me. But, if on Christmas Eve, there is one more miracle left in your bag of tricks...
Well, I really kinda want a girlfriend!
"Pretty Paper", Roy Orbison.
