All of this polishing and refining I've been trying to do seems to be for naught. For whatever reason, I am unacceptable as boyfriend material. I'm ugly and fat and horrible in some uniquely intangible way. Lucky me! I had a "blind" arrangement to meet someone for a drink last night after work. When the gal showed up at our meeting place, she wasn't two minutes into our conversation when she said, "I'm gonna go.". How fuckin' hard would it have been to suffer me through one drink of her choice which she wouldn't have had to pay for anyway?
If you feel worthless you're supposed to shake it off - redirect your thoughts, people say. If people tell you that, you're supposed to ignore them - "who are they, anyway?", folks admonish. But, what do you do when someone shows up in your face and slowly and methodically spells it out for you in clear and unmistakable terms?
ugly U-G-L-Y ugly
grotesque G-R-O-T-E-S-Q-U-E grotesque
repulsive R-E-P-U-L-S-I-V-E repulsive
Really, REALLY?! What am I supposed to do with that? It leaves very little to build on. Tired of the whole damned thing!
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