Let's Dance

Fair warning:  this will seem trivial to alot of you.  If you wish to avoid that, move onto the next entry or another page.

I had a dream this morning that has been disturbing me all day.  In the dream, I was at a wedding reception.  I was alone.  I kept getting asked to dance by guys only.  I got several of these invitations, all from guys who appeared to be perfectly polished and pressed, hair-gelled and perfumed, boy-band-stylin'-gay.

I am not the least bit homophobic.  I have many friends who are gay.  Its not a subject that makes me particularly uncomfortable on its own merit, nor is it one upon which I seek to impose my own social, political, or religious agenda, either to support or to oppose.  I have a live-and-let-live approach to the whole gay/straight issue.

Still, this dream bothers me.  My main goal in life right now is to find a way to become half of a healthy, productive, total partnership with a good woman.  I am fighting tremendous insecurities that tell me I will never have that because I am not worthy, or too ugly, or in some other/additional unique or combined way, wholly unappealing to all women.  Given those insecurities, which I am working quite diligently to attempt to manage, this dream was particularly unsettling to me in a way that has affected my whole day.

Now, I get that this is funny.  I know most of you will say, "let it go", that its "just a dream", or that "sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar".  That's probably all good advice; but, I want my cigar to have a pink band, not a blue one, wrapped around it!  I want it that way!

Light 'em up, boys...

"Smoke From a Distant Fire", Sanford Townsend Band.