I have sought to find a girlfriend. I have sought to find some female company just to casually see if a woman could be that girlfriend. I have failed.
I take no solace in having made the attempt. Results matter. I was not successful. That makes me a failure. The most recent woman I dated put attempting and trying to do any given thing into very clear perspective. She quoted Yoda from the Star Wars movies: "Do or do not; there is no try.". If you haven't succeeded, you've failed. It is not the process, but the end result that matters.
Rejection and/or failure to find a woman who is interested in me gives rise to those old demons of self-hatred. Women do not like me as a boyfriend. My goal is to find a girlfriend. Women find the prospect of dating/loving me to be unacceptable. I have failed to attain my goal. I hate myself because I cannot be loved.
"I'd Avoid Me Too", Dwight Yoakam.
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