I have lots of friends that I dearly cherish and love, but I also want to love my lover.
I seem to get pigeon-holed into that friendship role with every woman I meet. Some of that could be my fault because I could not take a lover who was not first my friend. I don't get the whole I just want you fror a relationship, but I don't think we'd be very good friends business. I also don't get why I can't be anyone's lover. All my female friends think I'm "such a great guy". Well, if I'm that fuckin' great, why does not even one of them lean in and give me that kiss that is either so sweet and gentle or so mind-blowing that I will remember it on my deathbed if I live to be a hundred years old?
I've reconciled my confidence and sense of self. I no longer hate me. I don't think I'm a loser or a failure anymore. I am comfortable with the choices I have made for my life. So, with those insecurities out of the way, and with a representative cross-section of women numbering somewhere between a quorum and a bevy (some of whom, btw, are free and single), why I can't I seem to garner the affections of one of these ladies who supposedly think that I'm "such a great guy"?
I get that I have my own selective ideas of what kind of woman I want to be with, and that women will also have their own selective choices. But, I find a number of the women I meet to possess wonderfully engaging potential for a dating relationship, but it seems not one of them think the same of me.
It is that kind of constant lack of affection from women that gives rise to my self-destructive thoughts and hurtful demons. I have recalculated my own understanding of self. I am even learning to wear my confidence in place of my rusty metal armor of detachment. It seems to be getting me more conversattions that lead to...you got it...more friends. I want a friends-first relationship, so that is good. But, how do I get one of these beautiful ladies to see me as viable and desirable dating prospect?
"Human Touch", Bruce Springsteen.
No comments:
Post a Comment