I want three days to myself. One day to just sleep. One day to get out and do something social. One day to just relax.
When a person gets weary from their resources and time being placed in constant demand, that person finds out who his friends are. I called my sister yesterday to tell her that I was putting in a hellacious schedule between work and the nearly constant needs of transportation and errand running for our parents; mind you, these are her parents, too. I even told her how she could help...by making herself available on the weekend of May 5 & 6. She says she doesn't know what to do if she is not asked. I think that is a bit of bull, because she knows of the constantly present need. So, after I told her what the specific need was, what did I get? "I'm sorry.". I'm sorry; not, "I'm sorry, and yes I will be there to help you.". Not, "I'm sorry, and can't I do something this week?". She's just sorry...and that's as far as it will go.
My parents, especially my mother, let her get away with this. But because she complains at every little thing, or tries to rearrange my parents needs to suit her own agenda, and I go along peacably until I become absolutely overwhelmed, all the demands are placed on me. It is getting tiresome!
I have had non-relative, out-of-state friends offer me a get-away, but I cannot take them up on their offer because my sister refuses to step up to keep things going here. I'm quite tired of her self-centeredness, and I would like some time for me...three days.
"Gimme Three Steps", Lynyrd Skynyrd.
I've seen similar situations nearly destroy some people very close to me. You are right about needing to find someone after Vickie, someone more qualified than I am to give advice. But I'll offer this: get a handle on it before you perf an ulcer. Resolution does not have to be a blow-up, but sometimes, it will be unpleasant but necessary. One of my best friends was an only child who had to be a caretaker for his disabled sister and ailing mother. His father passed when he was young. All this while working FT as a cop (as if that profession isn't demanding enough). It took him a couple years to realize it can't be done alone. It took some almost-harsh input from friends dear to him to get him to realize that until he took care of himself, he was setting himself up for misery at the expense of being 'the good son.'
ReplyDeleteNot saying that is the same as your situation, but I can see similarities. You are absolutely right: You need some time to call your own. Keeping in mind there is a balance, though, because I've been through that where a loved one said "I want everything for myself" at the expense of hurting the family beyond repair. You don't want that either.
We REALLY need to catch up for that evening drink, my friend.
One thing I saw my dad do when he was dealing with his parents' concerns while his sisters acted pretty much like yours was this: "I'm not available (gave the dates). This is what Mom & Dad need (gave Dr schedules etc, grocery lists, sitting times, etc). Thanks." BAM - all was done on his part. Helped him in ways that can't be explained :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Charlie!
DeleteI appreciate the insight. It may see like a small comfort, but its nice to know I'm not the only one who has faced these circumstances. I think these types of family dynamics are only going to become more a part of day-to-day life as the Baby Boomers begin to age. It will also make the condition of living "still at home" seem less like a social taboo than it does now.
You're right. Our night out is long overdue. Thanks, again, and take care!
Michael
I know I'm just catching up...But you have to take time for yourself. You'll go mad if you don't. Tell your sister not ask that she needs to take over. You didn't ask to be the caretaker, and although it's in your nature you deserve some time to yourself. I hope you got it and if not, I hope you get it soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Heather!
ReplyDelete